102 The One With the Sonogram at the End 

[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.] 

Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it. 

Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious? 

Phoebe: Oh, yeah! 

Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. 

Monica: Absolutely. 

Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out. 

Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket. 

Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake. 

Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone. 

Joey: (pause)....Are we still talking about sex? 

Opening Credits 

[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.] 

Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry? 

Marsha: Well, she has issues. 

Ross: Does she. 

Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet! 

Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See? 

Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife? 

(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.) 

Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No. 

Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi! 

Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age. 

(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.) 

Ross: Hi. 

Carol: So. 

Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that. 

Carol: Sorry. Thanks, You look good too. 

Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh... 

Carol: A lesbian? 

Ross: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family? 

Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh~

Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol? 

Carol: I'm pregnant. 

Ross: Pregnant?! 

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.] 

Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding. 

Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.) 

Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that? 

Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down. 

Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?! 

Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead. 

(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.) 

Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine! 

Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have. 

Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow. 

Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way. 

Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come. 

Monica: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born. 

Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew! 

Monica: What? 

Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster! 

All: Eeaagh! 

(Rachel enters from her room.) 

Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring? 

Phoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful. 

Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (Starts to look under the couch cushions.) 

Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that! 

Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family! Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder... 

Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we! 

Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah! 

Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last? 

Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it! 

Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days... 

Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with... 

Chandler: ...Dinah? 

Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad... 

Monica: You didn't. 

Rachel: Oh, I am sorry...